oh… JEEZ

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Archive for the ‘Losing Sleep’ Category

I’m Not Really Sure What The Title Of This Post Should Be

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I said I love you, because I do.

You said you love me too, I hope you really do.

I don’t know where this is going.

But I hope it is going somewhere.

You are my bestest friend.

I know that we might be in ruins.


I hope you are aware that this is no joke.

I’m saying it again, even at times it makes me choke.

This is oh-so-wrong, I should have loved somebody else.

But baby, they’re no you. That wouldn’t make sense.


Para sayo, na gumugulo sa utak ko. You said you love me, but I’m not sure if it is that same kind of love that I feel for you. Maybe not. Maybe not even half. But at least, that might be a good start. I’m not asking for anything, though I could give you everything. This is not even me talking, it is my heart. I know this is wrong, but it feels so good. Not a way a guy should feel, but I feel it anyway. I love you even though you are far away. I love you even though I don’t entirely know you yet. I love you because my heart tells me so. I love you because you make me smile when you’re mad. I love you and you make me hate you at the same time. I love it when you dare me to tell you my feelings. I love you when you’re liking my post, making me feel like someone is listening. I love you because I am not supposed to but I still do. I love you cause you are a bright ray of sunshine. I love you because you ask me to marry you even though it is not even possible. I love the ring that you gave me on the cake that I have not found yet (LOL). I love you because you make me feel special. I love you because you make me feel so loved. I love you because I am posting this and I’m not sure if you would still talk to me after you read it. I love you and I hope this will lead us somewhere. I love you because you made me feel like it’s possible. I love you for a reason that reason cannot understand. I love you and I am willing to give up anything I have. I love you more that anyone has ever loved someone before. My love for you is something worth to die for. I love you not because of any reasons I just said, I just do.


Written by joceffvan

August 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Are We Deserving?

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Yeah… That’s the question for today.

Most of the time, we question. We feel like we don’t deserve t the predicament that’s coming to us. But have you ever questioned if you are worthy of the good things that you have?

I don’t want this to sound like an essay. It surely does though. But it’s the feeling, the question that’s bugging me right now. And I need my special theraphy to get through this. And that is blogging. My little way to share my nervous breakdown to theΒ  world. Haha.

Yes, as I said, most of the time we question why bad things are happening to us. But this time, it might be different.

Naturally, we work hard to get the things that we want. But what if we already have the things that we want, yet we know that it will still needs some working for you to deserve it.

Can we do things the other way around?

Instead of working hard to get the things that we want, can we just work hard to deserve the things that we already got?

I really am not sure if I am making sense here. Am i talking through experience her? I’m not sure. I just need to share this, or if no one reads this, write it at least.


Written by joceffvan

November 3, 2009 at 1:53 am

Posted in Losing Sleep

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I’m All In!!!

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Right now, I really don’t know what to say. I just want to blog about something, which I don’t do since God knows when.

At this point, maybe it’ll be safe to blog about the feelings that I feel right now. This might sound a bit dramatic so excuse me. Have you ever felt so proud at one second, the next you felt like “ignorance is your new best friend” ? I know that sounds like a song. GAh!

“Pride comes before destruction

A haughty spirit before the fall.”

I know I’ve never been so specific with the things I blog about. Well, I’m just being Jocerff Van. That’s me even in person. If I’ve got a problem, I’ll tell my friends that I do. That’s all. At least they know I’m going through a hard time. They don’t need to know why. That sounds pathetic, isn’t it? no, sarcastic rather.

Going back to what I am talking about. First, I feel like I’m here FOR THE WIN (FTW!), then the next thing I know is I’m losing and I wanna shout FUCK THE WORLD! ( at least it is still FTW). I feel so sorry for my self. For being so overtly confident, which is all I ever have, so I wanna fuck the world more. All that I have is still not a good thing. It is so hard to accept that you’re falling when you’re so confident the first minute. Well, I’ve always been so humble, the confidence I’m talking about is not the exasperating type of confidence. It’s just that I’m not afraid ti do the others are afraid to. It’s the spirit that I have to do such thing. I’m confident but it never shows. Gush this is going nowhere I guess. ( I must have named this post “CONFIDENCE” , yeah, ALL CAPS)

I want to cry! Actually, I’m crying, it’s just that I’m doing it differently, with no tears. I’ve always been a good liar. That’s another bad yet useful talent that I have. You can never tell when I’m lying. I’m good at it. So good that even myself couldn’t tell that I was lying, I believe with every lies that I have to tell. That’s the best technique eh?

Pretty cool, huh?


Written by joceffvan

October 29, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Posted in Losing Sleep

Tagged with ,